Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Natalie Portman

I'm not going to say it's a daily occurrence, but I know you've wondered to yourself:
"Self, how does Eastwood's brain work exactly?"  

Today (thanks to the foul weather we've been having) I will shed some light on that important, and haunting, question.

The force of a bicycle crash is 64.
That is to say, if we were putting force on a scale of 1-100, a bicycle crash would consist of such a force that would be rated a 64.  I, subsequently punch with the force of a bicycle crash if my fist makes contact with full extension of my arm.  If I were able to make contact prior to full extension, therefore putting more weight into the punch, I would punch with a greater force then that of a bicycle crash.

How do I know this?  

Natalie Portman told me.

It's true.

I punched her in the face.
I punched her in the face and she let me know that I punched her with the force of a bicycle crash.

I was pretty impressed since that wasn't even the full force of an Eastwood punch.
I also, of course, knew that her assessment of my power correlated with a 64 (on a scale of 1-100).  Because, everyone knows a bicycle crash = 64.  Duh?

they tried to hide it with shadows

Yeah, that was a dream I had last night.  Welcome to my head...

Here's a song about (?), or at least titled for, Natalie Portman.

And let's bring it all back... kinda.  She rides a bike.

I guess she feels she doesn't need to wear a helmet since she already survived my (dream) punch

To Natalie Portman,

If you ever become aware of this, please do not be offended.  Rest assured, you completely understood that I was only doing what I needed to do to survive in the post apocalyptic world we found ourselves in.  You respected me for this, and we became good friends after the punch.