Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Look scared?

Thanks to the highly documented world we live in, I have seen a lot of pictures and videos of myself over the last couple years. Because of this influx of documentation, I have noticed a pretty interesting fact about myself: I hide my fear quite well.

For example:

On my wedding day, I remember walking down the aisle with my dad and thinking, "Am I going to throw up?, "Do I remember what I'm supposed to say?", "These 4 inch heels weren't really that great of an idea."

However, as shown in the pic, I come off really relaxed and calm. Maybe it's a Niner thing, because my dad isn't showing a hint of pain from the death-grip I had on his arm. P.S. Isn't my dad awesome? Yeah, he is.

There's also this wonderful video of myself singing karaoke. Now, I need to disclose that I was running on some liquid courage when this video was made, but I also remember feeling really scared, embarrassed (as I should) and anxious for the song to just be over so I could get off the sun-porch stage and go back to the hot tub where I could fade into the crowd again. However, you'd never know I was having an "all eyes are one me" mini panic attack from the footage.

I must warn you that this video isn't one I would recommend watching, but it illustrates my point. If you do choose to watch it, may I suggest turning off your speakers first?

So when I saw the video Michael made of me riding in Wompatuck, I was faced with this anomaly again. I remember that ride being stressful where I fell twice and even proclaimed that I didn't like mountain biking anymore. I was bailing on simple (yet still technical) lines and once again, taking all my fear and anger out on Michael.

Again, you wouldn't know it from the video. Now, it helps that the sound has been dubbed over. I'm pretty sure I was rocking some foul language during parts of that ride, but overall I seem pretty in control and impressive. Maybe one day I'll actually start feeling as comfortable as I look when it comes to riding. Until then though, please don't be fooled by the photographic evidence. I act like a fool out there.


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